This month’s proving to be ok as far as my health and motivation goes. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still in crippling pain and battling my fatigue, but I’ve not felt so bad about it. We spent a week at my Grandparents on the Welsh Isle of Anglesey. We have our own little cottage there, it’s a self-contained building with separate bathroom. We have a fold away couch, dining table and kitchenette. We are immensely lucky; my grandparents have worked all their lives to have what they have now. Surrounding us in our cottage is farm land, free-range chickens and cockerel, we can see RAF Valley and get to see all kinds of amazing jet fighters and helicopters. We’ve even seen RAF training where they jump out of helicopters etc. there is a Forest and through them at the other side is a beach. It is pure BLISS with the most amazing night skies, stars as far as the eye can see. I do feel at peace and rested them.
Our Shed (affectionately named so as the bathroom door still has penciled on it ‘shed’) to the left of the pic.
the motherCLUCKER is smart eyeing you…
oh for COCKS sake false alarm again!
It was the first bit of real quality, alone time Dave and I had due to him working ridiculously long weeks. I even got to meet my younger cousins lil girl for the first time, she’s about 6 months ish and is so very cute and beautiful. She even liked me and smiled most of the time. Made me think about Dave and I having a baby. I can’t wait, but it’s not that straight forward, I will have to come off all my pain meds which in itself will be incredibly difficult as some of my meds are opioids inc Fentanyl. If I don’t come off the opioids I risk having an opioid dependent baby. Pregnancy will probably be hell, I’ll be in agony as the pain that was managed will now be fully un-managed, with the added pains of pregnancy. But seeing my beautiful cousin I really do want to do my best. Another one of the joys long term effects brings with it.
Hows that for a garage?
I’ve done more volunteering which has been very positive, I get to help make changes to cancer services through sharing my experiences. I’m involved in a few groups and next week I get to shadow a board meeting on one of the groups I’d like to be involved in. I also get to attend a conference next week on shaping AYA cancer care. I feel like I actually belong again after the hurt of losing some of the benefits which came with my research. I’ve felt undervalued, through no one’s fault but my own. Illness had made things very difficult and functioning with a new condition (my heart issues) was a whole new learning curb for me. However, I am plodding on at the moment and I need to monopolise on this because usually I’ll be on a plateau for a period of time, then my health will take another drop. Each time this happens my health never returns, so I have to learn how to make my new health state work for me. 13 years of declining health and I’m not even 30 yet! Onwards and upwards though for now.
We had to emergency dog sit! My Dad decided he wanted to go with my Mum and brother to Wales so we ended up looking after Beauty which is never a bad thing. I got lots of loves from her, I miss not having her living with me but she’s happy at my parents, it’s easier now she’s old. She’s strong as anything still just like me. She made me laugh and smile a lot, at one point I was doing my work when I felt tugging on the blanket I had over me. I caught the lil so and so trying to take the blanket off me. Eventually we compromised and shared the blanket HAHA! She is so much more than a pet, she is my therapy dog. She helps with my anxiety and feeling down, she can sense when I feel naff and always comes over to me with kisses and cuddles and general cuteness. I’ll never have another like her, she helped me heal from having had cancer through my teens.
THIEF! You’ve been made lil Miss
Ok Ill compromise…
Now she’s happy I think 😛
Now she’s tired from all the hard work…stealing blankets!
FFS! HAHA The cute face melts me every time
Oh no its snooze time…
Part of my world in one CUTE lil photo…this is why she’s more than a pet ❤
My big Iccle brother got home from Rome with College alive and in one piece thankfully which causes me unbelievable anxiety. I get terrible dread when he goes away or on nights out cos the world is a scary and dangerous place at times and he is the most precious person in my life. He is growing up to be an amazing young man and now has his FA Coaching badge, which is AWSOME.
My aim now, apart from getting my uni work done is to sort out this post-chemotherapy cognitive impairment! I wish I had the money to go private as the NHS don’t know how to refer me to a neuropsychologist which is annoying me beyond belief. My word loss is getting really bad, as well as literally forgetting what I’m doing during a task and losing the track of the conversation. It is now thought that parts of our brains aren’t even responding when they should, especially in the pre-frontal cortex. So I am a MIFFED off teenage cancer survivor ON A MISSION TO SAVE MY MIND!
Toodle pip for now